In my kindness and grace, I would like to help you become 'in the know'. To do this, I will tell you about something special which will be happening at my launch this Sunday.
Those of you who have seen my album artwork, know that it looks something like this:
What I have to offer you, kind person, is the chance to get your very own, custom-ironed shirt featuring this image. That is, I will literally give you my heart, which you can wear close to your heart. Isn't that sweet?
"Wow, that is sweet!" you exclaim. "How can I make it happen?"
Well, new best friend, when you come to the launch on Sunday, bring a white T-shirt (or pillow case, hanky, whatever) and we at Ardeem Industries Enterprises™ will iron on a heart for you. FREE!
Like, someone will literally take your shirt, whack a heart on it and iron, iron, iron until the two become one.
What's more, even if you don't have a white shirt (or forget to bring one), there will be a number of T-shirts there for you to acquire – they'll be $10. This is still pretty cool, but you should totally bring one yourself – save $10 and show just how 'in the know' you are!
So, yeah. Come on Sunday, bring a white T-shirt and feel special! Because you are special. To me.
Also, a reminder:
Please go to my page on Unearthed, sign up for an account and rate or review my music.
I understand that signing up for an account looks scary, but it literally only takes 20 seconds. I ask that, since you were willing to spend at least a minute or so reading this crap, please take another 20 seconds to sign up to Unearthed and then rate and review my music.
In fact, why are you still here? Stop wasting your time reading this and go to Unearthed. There's really nothing left here except my plea for you to go to Unearthed and rate my music so I don't look like a loser with a blog post explicitly asking people to rate his music linking to an Unearthed page which literally has no reviews or ratings on it. Like no-one cares. Like I'm totally being left hanging. Did I mention like a loser?
Thank you. See you on Sunday.
Literally, love from Jacob